


Larry-oke 7: Birthday Bash

by SRassier



Series: Larry-oke [7]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Humor, Karaoke, Number Five is Larry's Friend, Whether Larry likes it or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25208986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SRassier/pseuds/SRassier
Summary: Another Hargreeves birthday! Larry gets hired as the entertainment. Typical Larry-oke hi-jinx ensue.
Series: Larry-oke [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717192
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Larry-oke 7: Birthday Bash

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the list of songs if you like to listen before/while you read:
> 
> Rolling in the Deep – Adele  
> Remix (I Like The) – New Kids on the Block  
> Blame it on the Boogie – Jacksons  
> Rappers’s Delight – The Sugarhill Gang  
> Shape of You – Ed Sheeran  
> Unforgettable – Nat King Cole/Natalie Cole  
> Edelweiss – Sound of Music  
> Mockingbird – Inez and Charlie Foxx  
> Constant Craving – KD Lang  
> Minnie the Moocher – Cab Calloway  
> Dontcha – Pussycat Dolls

Larry grumbled as his phone alerted him to a new text. His girlfriend buried her head into the pillow next to him and he could hear her muffled voice ask, “what time is it?”  
Larry rolled over to the nightstand and grabbed the phone he swore he put on silent before bed and winced as the screen lit up informing him that it was 2:37am. “What the hell?” He swiped up to reveal that he had a new text from ‘Unknown Number.’ “Great, probably a robo call.”  
His girlfriend called out to him as he got out of bed and headed to the bathroom (he might as well go, now that he was up), “Well you tell them that their robo-asses better go back to bed!”

He managed to ignore the text until he was done washing his hands but eventually opened the message center to see that Unknown Number seemed to not be a robo-call. 

UNKNOWN NUMBER: Hey, Larry. Do you hire out for private events?  
LARRY: Who the hell is this?  
UNKNOWN NUMBER: It’s Five. Do you?  
LARRY: How did you get my number?  
UNKNOWN NUMBER: Irrelevant. Do you hire out for parties?  
LARRY: I do…it’s 3 am!!!  
UNKNOWN NUMBER: I’m not asking you to come over now. I’ll text you the details. Keep your calendar open for the 1st.  
LARRY: Fine. Go. To. Bed.

He was met with silence, which either meant the former (or possibly current) assassin either took his advice or was simply done with him. Larry sighed, added the date to his calendar, added the number to his phone book under the name “Psycho”, and went back to bed.

The rest of the week was strange to say the least. He now had Five’s number but more importantly, Five had his. At one point, he even got a text from the former teenager asking for a ‘List of songs guaranteed to get me laid if I sing them at Larry-Oke.’ Larry had no idea if it was a joke or not so he sent some half hearted suggestions along and went about his day.

When October 1st finally came around, Larry found himself standing in front of a huge mansion with two umbrella symbols carved into the iron gate that wrapped around the building. He brought Stacy along as an assistant (He didn’t need one, but she insisted that she see where the Hargreeves grew up, and informed him that she would probably ditch him after the show started). He turned to her and sighed, “well…here goes.” He reached up and rang the bell and from inside they heard bustling and then a familiar voice call out, “don’t worry…I’LL GET IT!”

“Larry!” Klaus called as he flung the door wide. “And Stacy!!!” After bombarding the pair with hugs, he beckoned for them to follow him. As they passed what could only possibly be the kitchen, as Larry could smell something amazing being prepared from within, Diego walked out the swinging door and greeted the two with his usual fervor. “Hey.”  
“Diego!” Klaus said. “I am soooo not even close to ready yet, can you show our entertainment to the ballroom please?”  
“We have a ballroom?”  
“Ugh. Heathen.” He looked at Larry and Stacy with an overly comical expression of sorrow. “There is only so much you can teach…some of it has to be bred.”  
“Shut up, Klaus.” Diego flipped him off and headed back into the kitchen.  
“Mama’s boy!” He fluttered his eyes at Larry. “Sorry about that…right this way.”

They followed Klaus into an extravagant room decorated with balloons, streamers, and bright colored tablecloths. He directed them to a table next to a dance floor and took his leave so he could ‘finish getting sexified.’ Larry and Stacy started to set up their equipment and were nearly finished when they heard a voice from the door behind them. “Good, you’re here.”  
Larry turned to find Five, already nursing a whiskey standing with one hand in the pocket of one of his tailored suits. “Five.”  
“Larry, Stacy.” Stacy walked over, giving Five a kiss on the cheek before going back to work. “I was hoping to catch you before people started to arrive. I wanted to warn you about something.”  
“Warn me?” Larry did not like the sound of this.  
“Yeah. I’m sure you’ve noticed that our family isn’t exactly…normal.”  
“What?!?! You guys? Nah…”  
Five smiled. Larry still hadn’t decided if it was better when he smiled or worse. “Regardless. I came to give you a heads up about Pogo.”  
“What’s pogo?”  
“Who. Pogo is a who…” Five stopped to ponder something. “I guess he’s a what, too.”  
“I don’t follow.”  
“He’s a chimpanzee.” Larry silently thought, ‘of course they have a pet chimp.’ “I doubt he’s going to sing, but in case he decides to, I thought I’d give you a heads up, so you don’t freak out.”

Larry opened his mouth to respond but Five was already gone in a flash of blue. He looked at Stacy who also had a perplexed look on her face. “Did he say the chimp might sing?”  
“Yeah.” Larry shook his head. “What even is my life?”  
Stacy chuckled. “It’s the Hargreeves’ world. We’re just living in it.”

“Speaking of living in the Hargreeves world…” Larry put the last mic on a mic stand and leaned against the table. “You and Five…”  
“Oh, that? That was nothing. Just friends.”  
“Didn’t you and he…you know…?”  
Stacy broke out into a grin. “Hell yeah we did.”  
“And?”  
“And what?” Suddenly Stacy went stone faced. “Larry, Five just got out of a very serious long term relationship. He’s not ready for any kind of commitment right now, and we need to respect his wishes.” She went back to setting up and Larry just looked on and thought to himself, ‘what even is my life, indeed?’

Within the hour, guests started pouring in. They ran the gamut from Hollywood elite (no doubt there for Allison), to some shadier characters Larry and Stacy found out were friends of Klaus from ‘back in his wild days.’ Dinner was buffet style and Larry found himself chatting with Grace of all people as he filled his plate up. “Welcome to our home Larry.”  
“Thank you, ma’am. The food looks amazing.”  
“Well, aren’t you sweet.” She seemed to stop mid conversation and stare off into the distance.  
“Um. Will you be singing tonight Mrs. Hargreeves?”  
Larry watched as the woman stared for a moment more, blinked twice, then turned her head back to him. “Please, call me Grace. I think I may sing a song this evening.” She smiled an almost too cheery smile and left Larry to his food.

Larry sat behind the table and saw that his favorite weirdos had already left a stack of slips for him. He checked his watch and saw that people were finishing up with their meals, and with a final nod from Allison, he started his show. He grabbed one of the microphones from a stand and began his slightly altered opening, “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Hargreeves Birthday bash! And this is…” He held the mic out and hoped for the best. Thankfully, Allison, Vanya, Klaus, Luther, and even Diego helped him out by shouting along with him and Stacy, ‘LARRY-OKE!’ “That’s right, I’m Larry and I’m ready to spin some tunes so you can spit some lyrics. There are books at the tables, but if you don’t see something you want, let me know…I may just have a surprise up my sleeve for you!”

“I think the best way to start this evening is with one of the birthday bunch themselves…. Allison!” Allison rushed up to the mic stand to a rousing round of applause. She dug in deep and belted out Rolling in the Deep by Adele and Larry hoped the rest of the night would keep that kind of energy. 

Larry looked curiously at the next slip. He cued up the song and read the ‘name’ that was written on the slip into the mic. “Um…’everyone but Five?” The Hargreeves siblings (minus the brother in question), got up and approached the table as Five looked on in horror. The rest of them stayed slightly back as Ben appeared and spoke into the microphone. “This song is in honor of Five’s new appearance. Happy birthday, dude.” 

Larry hit play and Ben took the lead as the New Kids on the Block song began, changing the gender for their brother.

“He was that boy in the corner  
Thick-rimmed glasses  
Everybody laughed  
Every time he passed us, ever the outcast  
Had no flava, but who got the last laugh, hey

Up stepped Diego as Five dropped his head into his hands,

“Always came last  
No one ever kissed him  
Missing for days, but nobody missed him  
He went from wallpaper to heartbreaker  
You should've seen him…  
Guitar!”

Luther grabbed the mic and sang as Five slowly lifted his head up to reveal a red face and eyes that shot daggers at his siblings,

Baby I like the new you, hoo  
Ooh oh  
I like the remix baby  
Ooh oh  
I like the remix remix

Vanya joined Luther at the mic and they both sang with giddy delight as Klaus and Diego danced behind them like a couple of pips.

“Do what you doin' I like the way you do it hey  
Do what you doin' I like the way you do it, do it

Allison took the second mic and brought the next verse in as Larry noticed the corners of Five’s mouth turning into the tiniest of smiles,

“Now his body's so crazy, got mad attention  
Everybody wants him, I forgot to mention  
Our brother’s so intelligent, down with it, independent, got it all”

Five finally broke out into a full-on smile as his family finished the song dedicated to him and even gave them a standing ovation when they finished.

Larry liked to put some upbeat stuff at the beginning of the night if he could and following that group number up with Luther’s rollicking Blame it on the Boogie certainly did the trick. The room was jumping, and the dance floor was packed. He even found himself subconsciously doing ‘the crab’ as the chorus hit. Following Luther wasn’t always fun, due to the big man’s enthusiasm, but one of Allison’s friends had no problem as they jumped around and gave the crowd some “Rapper’s Delight.”

Next, Larry noticed one of the ‘guaranteed to get laid’ songs that he gave Five. Rolling his eyes at the former kid’s audacity, he called him up and hit play. Five worked the crowd (well, the female section of it anyway), as he did his best Ed Sheeran. Larry couldn’t help but notice a few of those women were really into a guy in a three-piece suit singing Shape of You. When the song ended, one of the bolder of the women approached him and the two of them disappeared. Larry didn’t see them the rest of the night.

Diego and Grace were up next, and Larry couldn’t help but remember Klaus’ earlier taunt of Mama’s Boy as they sang the Natalie/Nat King Cole duet, Unforgettable. It was sweet, though and as a few people came up to them afterwards to say how good it was, Larry wondered if Diego was also going to disappear with an admirer tonight. He also made himself a mental note to ask someone how Grace managed to sound like Doris Day on New Years eve and exactly like Natalie Cole tonight. 

Larry looked down at the next sheet and knew it was Five messing with him. He looked around for the prankster, knowing that he would be waiting for a reaction, but the former assassin was still nowhere to be seen. ‘What the hell.’ Larry thought…and called out the next name. “Pogo! Come on up!” 

Larry thought he had filled up on weird. Luther’s hulking frame, Five teleporting from the table to the bar when his siblings tried to cut him off, a ghost singing karaoke…Klaus. But when he saw a chimpanzee wearing a suit, hobbling to the front of the room using a freaking cane, well…Larry knew he was in the twilight zone. 

He cued up the song and to his utter surprise, the chimp/man had a delightful voice and his dulcet tones had the whole room enthralled as he sang Edelweiss from the Sound of Music.

Larry watched, flabbergasted as the chimpanzee man sauntered off stage to scattered applause, no doubt due to the fact that not everyone had been ‘warned’ as he had. He tried to shake it off and grabbed a duet, hoping that it was between two humans. “Give me Hazel…Give me Agnes!!”

A wonderfully giddy older woman wearing what could only be described as a ‘mother of the bride’ outfit came to the stage, nearly dragging a beast of a man who rivaled Luther in sheer size. As they got closer, Larry remembered that Five had texted him about his ‘former co-worker’ Hazel stopping by and to try to keep him and Diego far away from each other. Larry stole a glance at Diego and, although stewing, he was actively avoiding watching the stage.

The music started and the hulk of a man leaned into the mic and gave a stilted, “mock.”  
The woman (Larry assumed his mother), answered with a much more enthusiastic, “yeah!”  
Another stilted, “ing.”  
“Yeah!” She didn’t seem to care that her partner wasn’t quite into the song.  
“Bird.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Yeah.”  
They both chimed in with a “mockingbird”  
Then things got real. The guy seemed to loosen up when he saw how much fun his Mom was having. They both began dancing and belting out the song as if they wrote it. When it was over, Larry was about to yell above the roar of the crowd how much he appreciated people singing with their moms when the man picked up the tiny lady and they began to make out. “Woah,” Larry exclaimed as he backed up. “Not his mom!”

Vanya was up next with Constant Cravings and at this point, Larry KNEW she had to be choosing lesbians on purpose. Larry decided to pick things up after the morose (but well done) KD Lange song with one of his own favorites, Minnie the Moocher. Drunk people love to shout things, so this song always killed toward the end of the night.

Larry knew if he didn’t squeeze in a Klaus song by the end of the night, he would never hear the end of it. He grabbed one of the 20 slips the man had put on the table and sifted to find the perfect one to end the night. He smiled as he found the right one, called Klaus and Diego to the stage, and sat back to enjoy the show. 

The song started and Diego got the ball rolling with a hearty “OK…yeah…are we about to get it just a little hot and sweaty in this who?”  
With Diego’s rap complete, Klaus did his thing. “I know you like me, I know you do. That’s why whenever I come around, she’s all over you.” The crowd went nuts as Klaus (with the often-reluctant help of Diego) asked the age-old question, ‘dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?’

Larry was the last to leave, as he had stayed behind to give each Hargreeves the birthday gifts that Allison insisted that he did NOT need to get them. As he was loading the last of his gear into his trunk, a taxi pulled up behind him. “Who is that for?” Larry wondered, and had his question immediately answered as the front door to the mansion opened and Five and the girl from earlier came out.

They walked over to the cab, Five opened the door for her and she reached up and kissed him before climbing in and allowing the car to take her away. Noticing Larry, Five sauntered over to the back of his car. “Thanks for the song list…so far so good.”  
Larry was dumbfounded. “None of these women are pissed that you are just looking for one night stands?”  
“I’m always honest about what I want. I haven’t had any complaints.”  
Larry decided that this was not a conversation he wanted to have with Number Five. 

“Oh.” He reached into the back seat of the car and grabbed the last of the gifts and handed it to Five. “I was going to save it for Saturday, but since you’re here…”  
Five looked at the wrapped box as if it was the first gift he had ever received. After he reached out and gingerly took it, Larry wondered if it was.  
“Larry, you didn’t have to…”  
“I know.” He put up his hands to stop Five from complaining. “I already got this speech from Allison. Fact is, you guys have made my life interesting to say the least. You have really made Larry-oke THE place to be on Saturday nights and well…Happy birthday.”

Five stared at Larry for a moment and for the first time, he didn’t seem angry or bored. He looked almost happy, with a small grin threatening to betray his apathetic exterior. He looked down and tore into the wrapping to reveal the stack of blu rays Larry had hand picked for him. “I figured, living in the apocalypse…you probably didn’t have time to watch a lot of movies, and you being a time traveler and all…”  
Five read the first title out loud. “Back to the Future?”  
“Yeah,” Larry excitedly pointed to the other titles, “and Hot Tub Time Machine, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, and Idiocracy.”  
“I’ve never heard of any of these.”  
“I figured you’d get angry at any movie that takes time travel seriously…what with the shitty science and all, so I went with comedies in the hopes that they might at least make you laugh.” Larry took a chance, “You do laugh, right?”

Five raised an eyebrow at Larry and smirked. “When should I come over?”  
“Huh?”  
“The movies.” Five held up the blu-rays. “We don’t have a blu-ray player. I’ll have to come to your place.”  
“Um…” Larry did NOT think this through. “My place?”  
“Yeah, it’s over on Marshall right?”  
“How the hell do you know where I live?”  
Five shook his head. “Irrelevant.” He started back toward the house before Larry could explain how relevant it was. “I’ll text you!”

And with that, Larry was left on the street in front of the Hargreeves mansion at 3 o’clock in the morning, wondering what the hell even was his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Another Larry-oke?  
> I will never stop.  
> As long as they make me laugh...they will go on.
> 
> I hope the group number lived up to everyone's expectations.


End file.
